want a happy relationship if you're miserable ?

First thing's first.
your mate / spouse is your mirror. what you're getting is exactly what you're giving out to the world. If he/she is an asshole to you, rest assured, you're feeling like an asshole within and giving that vibe out.

now you might be saying, you're not physically abusing your mate yet being done so, well in that case i would suggest to take a look at your behavior and be true to yourself. are you sure you're not emotionally abusing your spouse ?

your mate is a mirror. keep repeating that. it's law. It's the law of attraction.

if you want love, you need to give love. that's it. there's no more to it.

if you feel your mate has cheated with you, think back, did you not withold love before the cheating occured ?

if you say your mate is not there for you, then are you there for him/her emotionally ?

if you want love, then love first.
if you want honestly, be honest first.
if you want loyalty, be loyal first.

if you feel you need help, email me.
desihitch@hotmail.com
www.humsufur.com

happy relationships and happy marriages !

Save your family or think about what others would say ?

Alhamdulillah, helped a family yesterday from splitting up.
Kind of classic desi feud living in states. They have a two year old son, and their marriage was having ups and downs.
The girl has her family support and she seems to get advice about everything from her mom. The guy gets advice from his mom. Their families are both in pakistan, yet living in pakistan the parents feel they can run their usa lives from abroad. which they have been for 4 years. three days ago the girl's mom advised her that if the guy's not running in hoops around her pinky she should start threatning him with calls to 911. well that went on for two days and then the girl ended up calling the police, falsifying the claim she was being abused.
oh well... the whole saga continued, the restraining order, the girl and their kid staying at one of the guy's friends for two nites.
thank Allah the guy who was hosting the girl got intouch with me.
after a whole day of talking to the couple both seperately and together, it turned out they were both more concerned about what "others" would now think if they got back together cause others seemed to matter more now that they had split.
At the end, i made them realize that they should screw the others, friends familieis, who are calmly sleeping in their own beds and won't care a hoot about what is going in their lives.
12 hours of sanity therapy, and they're back together Alhamdulillah.

moral of the story is, if you are married, think about your own marriage rather than caring about what others think of your marriage. and save it !
Girls, before you call 911, know this, you'll be screwed more than the guy in the long run.
I say this to the girls because guys usually don't call the police asking the law to wreck their families and hand it over to the courts in a platter to be shattered. The guys are stupid just not THAT stupid.

Here's the funny part, the family who advised the wife to call the police is the one who backed out when it was time to take care of the girl and the kid to shelter and provide for. The girl realized that afterwards but it was too late. Girls usually need support and advice before they go ahead with such a big decision of calling the police. in 99% of the cases its their mother who say "go ahead we have your back". well after they're divorced and living with their moms again with the kid, it's their own mother who start forcing her to go out and find someone else to marry and get out of their house. well if that's the case why not let her stay with the current husband ?

happy marriages !

Help free women from prostitution.

Become the person who helps those in need.

In Pakistan today there are, in the red light district of Lahore, thousands of young women who have been victims of trafficking, kidnapping, and abduction. These young and old alike, are forced into prostitution and have been forced to accept that life style without choice !

We can iA do something about this. As Gandhi said, Be the change that you want to see in the world. I am asking everyone around the world to join hands with me to help save these young souls who are someone's daughters, sisters, and mothers....

We can make a difference. Let us start today, let us do the right thing. Amen !

The program:

1. To establish funds to help get the women out of the brothels by providing them the means of alternate employment. Even small things such as a sewing machine, can aid a lady in poverty forced into proposition by making her living by alternate means.
2. To create shelter homes for those who want to abolish the streets of filth, and start fresh.
3. To create school funding for the young children being brought up in the red light areas. Providing education to the youth in these areas will ensure they grow up to become the rightful citizens of the society with education as the power behind them !
4. To gather the many NGO's already operating in Pakistan and the Government officials on one platform to collectively aid in this.
5. I have a vision to iA complete this project by the year 2011. Together we can make this happen inshaAllah!. Amen.

here's the website link. it's

www.freeourwomen.com

Ladies, before you get married "again"

I've dealt with numerous cases where the girls are adamant to get out of their current marriage relationships. Some have started hunting even while "separated". telling me they're taking a head start. I ask them simply, are you technically married. yes or no simple answer ? and they say yes but... and i say enough said. Try to work out your current relationship while you're in it.

second scenario is where I have dealt with wives who claim they 'annulled' the marriage by going to the court. some say they "got" a divorce through the court. My purpose is to shed light on this matter from Quran and Sunnah perspective.

1. In islam, and that's if you care at all about Allah at the point you're in, then the divorce can only and i mean only be "given" by the husband.

2. the woman can "ask" for it, but that's called khul. regardless, even if she does ask for it, the husband still has to "give" in to her wish and give her a divorce if she agrees to pay back the mehr and the husband agrees to it.

Notice once again the husband still has to give the divorce once she initiates the khul. A khul is NOT a divorce, it's only the initiation of her "asking" for a divorce.

3. Cases where the husband simply refuses to divorce her and she ends up getting one somehow through the court without his consent, then that's a divorce she got from the court/judge, not her husband.

If you're a muslim and you did nikah, then the nikah is valid until the husband agrees to divroce you. regardless what papers you got from or gave your husband.

Those who have re-married while their first husbands never agreed to divorce them, in literal sense have done a nikah over the first nikah. Not valid.

But then again all this matters only if people wish to care about what Allah swt has said. because divroce to begin with is something Allah swt dislikes. So if the girl is determined to make Allah swt angry, then at that point does anything else really matter ?

The women come to me and tell me they're good muslims, pray and make roza's. I say, Allah swt says if you pray you pray for yourself, if you fast you fast for your own good as Allah swt doesnt need it from you.

BUT, if you divorce, you directly effect the feelings of Allah swt, you displease him. How can you claim that you love Allah swt and are a good muslim while you're determined to displease him ?

think again ladies.

I address the women because 99% of the divorces these days in the courts are being brought in by muslim women who want to get a divorce while their husbands want to stay together.

here's a link to the video from the Islamic scholar related to divorce so we may all understand more what Allah swt tells how.

Dr Zakir Naik's video.

May Allah help us all stay together and in love.

Ameen.

Understanding Quran.

Imagine that there is a servant of a King. and the king asks the servant"bring me a glass of water".
Now imagine that servant standing in front of the emperor and in the most beautiful voice with standing straight hands in front, starts to say "bring me a glass of water". the servant doesn't move an inch from where he is. instead of getting the glass of water, simply continues to repeat "bring me a glass of water" over and over again...

what would you call that servant ? you'd call the servant stupid. because instead of doing what the king has asked the servant to do, the servant is simply reciting what the king asked....

my friends, similar is the example of Muslims. If we don't understand the Quran, and simply recite it in the most beautiful voice, yet don't do what Allah is asking us to do in Quran, we're no different from the servant of the King... I hope you would think about this !

Don't just close this and move on to another journal. take a moment to visit this site and bookmark it. read the Quran on this site and it's meaning. Make a difference in your life. ! Click on the link below.
Understanding Quran

how to deal with stress

How to deal with stress

Let us correct our direction and rotation

Let us correct our direction and our rotation!
Anti-clock wise is how we do tawa’af around ka’aba.
That is how the earth revolves around its axis and how the earth revolves around the sun!
It really shouldn't be called anti...
the numbers we use are Arabic. from 1 to 9 and 0.
if we start from the right going to left while writing or even drawing a circle, the natural way would be from right to left...
It's one thing that we're stuck in a circle and can't get out of it, worse, the circular motion is in the wrong direction as well....

Jumma / Friday sermons / khutba'as.

I'd like for you to listen and also give me feedback / ideas on future topics. Things that need to be talked about and that have practical implications in today's day in age.
thanks in advance.
visit the link below to listen online
Jumma Khutbaa's.

How to avoid conflicts in marriage

Easier said than done, I understand. But then again this really is the resolution to all conflicts.
In the 'he said she said' scenario, let's face it no one wins. Even if you make a point the other is left frustrated and the issue remains unresolved for the other. Instead of making points trying to prove your side, it's best that both simply refrain for making the personal opinions count and try to validate them.
Best is, to consult Quran and Sunnah. See what Allah swt has said about that matter, and then simply say. Let's agree upon the fact that neither of our points shall be followed. Whatsoever is said in the Quran and hadith let's follow that. Now that can fall in favor of either or parties. But the point is, both parties will have the peace of heart and mind that the followed the right path and that they resolved the issue to the best that it should've been.
May Allah swt guide us all, and may Allah swt make all our marriages last in this duniya and the here after. Ameen. !

Misconceptions of divorce in Islam

Here's the link. Listen yourself so Allah swt may give us all guidance and help save marriages. Ameen...
Here's the link.
Read this first.!

Free our women !

Become the person who helps those in need.

In Pakistan today there are, in the red light district of Lahore, thousands of young women who have been victims of trafficking, kidnapping, and abduction. These young and old alike, are forced into prostitution and have been forced to accept that life style without choice !

We can iA do something about this. As Gandhi said, Be the change that you want to see in the world. I am asking everyone around the world to join hands with me to help save these young souls who are someone's daughters, sisters, and mothers....

We can make a difference. Let us start today, let us do the right thing. Amen !

The program:

1. To establish funds to help get the women out of the brothels by providing them the means of alternate employment. Even small things such as a sewing machine, can aid a lady in poverty forced into proposition by making her living by alternate means.
2. To create shelter homes for those who want to abolish the streets of filth, and start fresh.
3. To create school funding for the young children being brought up in the red light areas. Providing education to the youth in these areas will ensure they grow up to become the rightful citizens of the society with education as the power behind them !
4. To gather the many NGO's already operating in Pakistan and the Government officials on one platform to collectively aid in this.
5. I have a vision to iA complete this project by the year 2011. Together we can make this happen inshaAllah!. Amen.

here's the website link.
http://www.freeourwomen.com

Muslim american marriages. How to prevent divorces ?

You find the perfect person, you fall in love. A year of dating more or less (because you feel that's adequate to "get to know" the person), and then you get married.

Typical love story for Muslims living in the united states. Don't deny it, you know it happens, we just cover up the minor details of the dating business and what not :)

Anyways, so now its time to get married. Hopefully when both the bride and groom are Muslims the nikah is performed. I say hopefully because these days I'm seeing marriages between sikhs, hindus, Muslims you name it and it's happening. Nikah is usually done at the mosque or at times at home with families involved. Some mosques have registered themselves therefore the nikah papers serve as the court certified marriage papers as well.
Under other circumstances, the nikah is done and then the bride and groom go to the court house to have a court marriage done. This is done because under the laws of the land it's required to validate the marriage.

So far so good.
Now let's say down the road the couples seem to incur differences that are simply not reconcilable. That leads to divorce. These days the percentage of divorces in Muslims marriages is really close to 50%. Why is that?

Simple reason, because the American laws have made divorce the easier path to take. Look at the people who went through divorce in the states. Almost always the divorce is filed by the girl and not the guy. Because the girl wants out. Fine, that's her choice. But while the marriage was performed according to Islamic law, Nikah, the divorce always ends up through American law and not Islamic law. Reason is simple. The Islamic law doesn't give the girl the division of property and the rights that American laws do. In shariah (Islamic law) the Mahar is set and so are the monetary conditions that the girl should receive if she wants to end the marriage. American law however grants the girl 50% share of all assets, money, child custody, the freedom of living in the house once owned by both partners, living the liberal lifestyle that caused the divorce to begin with ( in some cases) and so forth.

The point being made is that American law, at times, has made it easier for the girl to get a divorce and live a better life than staying married.

I say by all means exercise the American laws since we live here, however that should not be the case only at the point of divorce. The marriage should take place accordingly as well. by that I mean, that when the nikah is done, part of the nikah should be a prenuptial agreement that get signed before the court marriage takes place. After all that's really the American way to get married. Pre nups look at the interest of both parties if they end up in divorce later. As Muslims, majority of the times the girl and her family will frown upon even the talks of pre-nups and claim that their families would never consider things going as far as divorces and divorce courts. Well, that's OK. If that's the case there should be no harm signing prenups. :)

So guys and girls both, do yourselves a huge favor. Either get married the Islamic way and just have nikah without any court marriages. If however any party insists that court marriage takes place, then before you do so, have a prenuptial agreement signed. Hire an attorney for a nominal fee and go through the proper course of action to ensure that in case of divorce, your legal rights according to American laws are intact.

Happy marriages ! :)

Following sunnah of beard ? done correctly ?

Keeping a beard is sunnah. We all know that. great ! so we try our best to keep it. However, a vast majority of us who follow this sunnah tend to forget that keeping the beard is part of the package that we're supposed to implement.

Whenever we hear about our prophet pbuh, most of the times we hear a mention of him smiling. What is the first thing that we see in the other person when we meet or greet them ? Scholars and scientists have a unanimous decision that it's most certainly the other person's smile or frown. Prophet Mohammad pbuh would always be the first to say Salam and would greet others with a smile on his face. Smiling is a Sunnah. Smiling also has been proven to relax our bodies and lower tension according to scientific research.

Why then is it that, a vast majority of Muslims are very quick to adapt to the sunnah of keeping the beard, but they tend to neglect the most important thing that is part of the sunnah, smile ! ?
The beard of a muslim and the smile on his face is a package deal sunnah. You do one, you should do the other.

Now, I myself have observed that most of the mullahs who have the perfect length beard and have their shalwar's perfectly heightened above the ankles, never show a sigh of smile. They're always super serious, to the point where I've avoided even asking them a question or engaging in conversations with them.

The point of being a good Muslim and following sunnah is to be approachable. So Muslims and non Muslims alike may come up to you, enjoy your company and benefit from the good things you would have to share with them. Islam is about leading by example not dictating by fear.

My prayer to Allah swt is that He enables all Muslims to follow the sunnah of our beloved prophet to "smile" and to have a beard. So that whenever people would look at the muslims with beards, the picture of a pleasant personality, smiling, and approachable would come to mind. Ameen. ! :)

Pakistani Employment Forum

Given the fact that there's no forum related to employment for Pakistan so far, I've taken the liberty to create one. Here those who are already working and know of an open position should post it.
Those looking for a position should post their CV's.

It's one thing to have job boards that are serving the public, but to have a forum and a community where jobs can be shared is a great way to find a position through networking. So create your account and join. here's the link.
http://pakemployment.forumotion.net/